Blonde One Liner Joke

Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?
She heard that the drinks were on the house.

• A nightclub magician is driving down the road…and he turns into a driveway!
• A dude with dyslexia walks into a bra
• One drunk says to another in a bar, “if your parents never had children, you most likely won’t either.”
• A termite walks into a bar and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
• You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor and still hang-on
• Three men walk into a bar... the forth one ducks
• An arctic seal walks into a bar. “What can I get you?” asks the bartender. “anything but a Canadian Club” said the seal.
• I have a drinking problem…I don’t have any money!
• A cowboy walks into a bar and orders a drink. His hat is made of black wrapping paper. And so are his shirt, vest, chaps, and shoes. Pretty soon, the sheriff arrives and arrests him for rustling.
• Tow truck sign…Drink and Drive! We need the business!
• A man goes into a bar where a cat is sitting in a chair playing poker. He asks, “Is that cat really playing poker?” And the bartender says, “Yeah, but he’s not very good. Whenever he has a good hand, he starts wagging his tail.”
• A penguin walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Has my brother been in here?” The bartender says, “I don’t know. What does he look like?”
• What’s the difference between and Irish wedding and an Irish wake? One less drunk!
• A goldfish flops into a pub and looks at the barkeep. The bartender asks, “What can I get you?” The goldfish says, “Water.”
• Booze is the answer, but now I can’t remember the question.
• A dog with his foot wrapped in a bloody bandage hobbles into a Western saloon. He pushes up to the bar and announces: “I’m looking for the man that shot my paw.”
• Liquor is like love. The first kiss is magic. The second is great. The third is usual. After that you just take your clothes off.
• A dude walks into a bar in Detroit, in Michigan, and asks the barkeep, “What’s the fastest way to get to Dearborn?” “Are you walking or driving?” asks the barkeep. “Driving,” says the dude. “That’s the quickest way,” says the barkeep.
• A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron?
"Since you’re a neutron?" says the barman, "no charge."
• A guy walks into a bar. A lion is behind the bar making drinks. The guy is just staring at the lion, when the horse says, “What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a lion serving drinks in a bar?” The guy says, “Actually, no. I never thought the tiger would sell the place.”
• A carton of yogurt walk into a bar. The barman says to them, "We don't serve your kind in here."
The yogurt cartons says back to him, "Why? I’m cultured.”
• An Irishman, a Italian and a priest walk into a bar. The bartender says, “What is this, some kind of joke?”
• A grasshopper walks into a bar. The barman says, “We’ve got a drink named after you.” The grasshopper says, “You’ve got a drink named Kevin?”
• A couple of hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. The first says, "I think I've lost an electron."
The second says, "Are you sure?"
The first says, "Yes, I'm positive..."
• A pizza walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food in here.”
• A tiger walks into a bar and says, “I’d like a whiskey and . . . . a packet of peanuts. The barman says, why the big pause?”
• An amnesiac walks into a tavern and asks the bartender, “Do I come here often?”